November 27, 2017

The Loss Of A Friendship: Putting A Positive Spin On It.

south africa road trip, copper garden

Bear with me because this ones a little rambled, as my posts sometimes are. I just wanted to get everything out as it flowed through my mind, rather than forcing it into structure.

The loss of a relationship is frequently talked about online. There are hundreds of magazine articles focused on ‘getting over your ex-lover’ or ‘how to move on from a breakup’ but nobody ever talks about the loss of a friend. Over the years I have experienced both losses and personally find it more difficult to lose one of my friends. After all, friends know more about you than anyone! Lovers (sometimes) come and go but the friends who pick you up in between and never leave your side.

After all, your friends know way more about you than your boyfriend or family members, right?! |
I think most of you can relate to this post but if you’re lucky enough to never have lost a friend – you’re lucky.

loss of friendship, south africa road trip, copper garden

Not every friendship ends because of something negative. It could be that neither of you made an effort, you’ve fallen out, theres jealousy, her new boyfriend is a dick or even an argument that has cropped up – but it could also be that you just grew apart naturally. Not every friend is going to be with you until you’re old and grey!

I think this is actually one of the most challenging friendship losses.

Its almost easier to forget the memories when there is a little negativity but when you simply drifted with age, the memories are still fond but the connection isn’t quite there. Most of my friends are from school or university and despite being inseparable for so many years, growing up into our adulthood means that some of those friends moved away or just naturally drifted as we fell into the step of life. School friends saw you through the awkward blue mascara, high school loves and even the first time you got drunk. Arguably the best and worst years of your life. If it was a natural drift, you soon realise there is no hard feelings and nobody did anything wrong – its easy to just think of them as a positive part of your life. Its easier to miss them with a happy smile and fond memories.

Now lets think about it, the loss can be a positive. After all, if they were willing to walk out of your life then they obviously never intended to stay so its important to either remember the good times or move forward. I once read a quote that said “everyone has a purpose in your life and once they’ve filled that purpose, they will either stay or walk away”. I always question each friendship to this mantra now because after all, friends are there to pick you up, inspire you to be better or just to be childish with!

I feel like I’m writing this on the assumption that you have lost a friend but as you’re reading – there is probably a friendship that comes to mind. Or you might have come to this article for tips on moving forward..

This is a bit important.. do you try to get the friendship back or move forward and accept its lost? I’m a big believer in closure and I like to make things finalised whether its closing the chapter and continuing the friendship, or accepting why you aren’t friends and moving on.

Ultimately, its up to you what the next move should be.

Just remember that for every friend that leaves there will be another one to walk in. We’re sociable creatures by nature so moving on from the friendship should be easy. Just remember that if the friendship didn’t add value to your days- is it really that bad for it to be over?

That being said, I’m trying to be more sociable and connect with other bloggers or girls with a similar interest because I feel like my biggest hobby is a pretty good common ground for conversation. Its also fun to go on friend dates with the girls and reconnect about how you’re feeling, chances are they will completely relate and be able to make you feel better.

loss of friendship, south africa road trip, copper garden

On another note, I decided to add a little outfit to these pictures rather than creating a flatlay for you. These pictures were taken while I was in South Africa, the full lookbook is below for you!

What I’m Wearing
Round Sunglasses from Missguided
Grey Grandad Top from Brandy Melville
Ripped Denim Shorts from River Island

6 comments so far.

6 responses to “The Loss Of A Friendship: Putting A Positive Spin On It.”

  1. Many friendships have come and gone, and I’ve learned from all of them. Either I need better friends, or I need to be a better friend. You’re right – it’s easier when there’s negative blood between you, but even then, after time, you look back and realize that you’ve grown. Sometimes it’ll be easy to get over, and sometimes it won’t. Regardless, we need to take the lesson and apply it to our present lives and grow from it.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Ashlynn |

  2. Jessie says:

    I feel that you start to lose friends as you get older and your lives evolve. There is one friendship that sticks in my mind – but unfortunately I feel it’s too late to return to that now. There’s no bad blood, it’s just sad that I’ll never make memories with them again. xx

    Jessie | allthingsbeautiful-x

  3. Josie says:

    Now having left school and university I definitely feel my friendships drifting and changing from what they were before. Luckily I have a group of amazing gals and we all make the effort to see each other every now and then. I’ve definitely lost a few friends in the past from school – mainly because as we’ve grown, our opinions and priorities have changed and we just aren’t as close as we used to be (I’m not really a confrontational or controversial person so come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever lost a friend due to a fight or falling out) – but I still treasure the fun we had.

    In saying that, a few friends from school who I don’t speak to very often (hadn’t spoken to for the whole 3 years of uni tbh) and who I thought I’d lost as a friend, I have actually just messaged out of the blue offering to meet up for a quick catch up and I’ve managed to rekindle a few good friendships! So I’d definitely recommend if it’s a friendship that’s maybe just fizzled, sometimes it just someone to make the first move!

    I would most definitely like to make more blogging friends though! I find it quite hard when I get busy in work/while I was at uni to try and keep up a conversation which someone online who I’ve never met, but I don’t have any actual friends who share the same love for blogging or even are as passionate about some of my interests as I am and so I would love to start chatting over this!

    Daughter of An Air Hostess // Fashion, Travel & Lifestyle

  4. Frances says:

    These pictures are really cool – amazing quality! I’ve definitely lost many friendships over the years, from moving and drifting apart, the usual things really! But I just see them as valuable to that time of my life and not meant for now 🙂 xx

    Frances Kayleigh | Fashion & Lifestyle

  5. Imogen says:

    Can I just say WOW the photography is AMAZING! I love all the shots. Your blog photos are next level Jess! I can totally relate to this post and love how you’ve looked at it positively! Lovely read xx Imogen

  6. Sophie says:

    The photography in this post is so beautiful! I could definitely relate to this, and think it’s really important to look at it positively. I definitely have a few friendships that got lost when we transitioned into adulthood, but there’s no hard feelings either way – we had a great friendship for that time and made some lovely memories, they’re just not meant for now xxx

    Sophie | Sophar So Good

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Jess | London Style and Travel Blogger

a twenty-something exploring the world with a double espresso and a camera.